Natural Family Planning: Too Good and So True, Part 1

My husband and I are just completing our first month of practicing Natural Family Planning, and my only regret is we haven't been practicing it since we got married 9.5 years ago.

First, a little backstory on our history in this department:

When we first got married (and before that), I was on birth control pills. I was Catholic in Name Only, rarely went to Mass, and saw no problem with The Pill. I, obviously (and stupidly), was not a student of Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body.

I went off The Pill a year after we were married because I heard that it could take your body up to 2 years to conceive after getting off The Pill (I have no idea if that's true, BTW). We didn't want to have our children immediately (as if we ultimately had any say, anyway), but I physically wanted to be ready when "the time was right." Again, not when God decided the time was right, but we when we did. *sigh*

In 2003, we decided we were "ready," and for the next 1.5 years we could not conceive. We used a fertility monitor, and despite using it faithfully and having it tell us when I was fertile, I still was not pregnant. I considered practicing NFP at that time, as I had heard NFP was 90% effective in helping couples achieve pregnancy after practicing it for 6 months (that is a true stat). I tried it (and those who practice NFP will notice the wrong pronouns in this sentence and the previous one), but thought it was too much work.

At this point, we were both very, very discouraged. We were good people, why wasn't God blessing us with a pregnancy?

Yes, we were basically good people. We were kind and charitable, and did lots and lots of Catholic volunteer work together. But did we go to Mass? Not consistently. Did we pray - together or alone? Not that much. Did I realize this at the time? Um, no.

Instead, I got quite mad at God. I stopped using the monitor (since it wasn't working anyway) and we decided to take a break from trying to conceive as it was stressing and bumming us out. My husband made an appointment to get tested to see if physically anything was wrong with him; he encouraged me to do the same, but I hesitated.

Inside, I was still pretty mad at God. It was brutal to be around families and friends with children (and if you've been unable to conceive, you know what I'm talking about). Many of my friends and family were having babies and it was killing me. It was a constant reminder of what He was denying us. I remember telling Him, very angrily, "You know what? I GIVE UP. Whatever. Give us a baby or don't. It's up to you."

I was pregnant the next month - without planning to conceive, using a monitor or having any idea where I was in my cycle. Three months later, I made a full reversion to my faith via the Rosary and the Blessed Mother.

Looking back, I believe that infertile time was not a punishment from God, but a much-needed wake-up call. Pretty much the minute I angrily humbled myself before Him, he graced us with a pregnancy. I can imagine Him saying, "There. That's all I needed to hear. Now, I don't like the tone, but..."

My husband and I were good people, yes. But we weren't humble. Like many today, we thought we controlled it all. We made excellent money, owned a home, two nice cars and traveled pretty much wherever we wanted. But the one thing we really wanted, we couldn't buy. It has to be given to us - and not on our timetable or schedule.

My husband and I are very active in Catholic Engaged Encounter. We present weekends, and I frequently tell the engaged (almost all professionals in their late 20s and 30s these days, the same people as us at that time) an abbreviated version of this story to convey they have to find that humility in their lives. They can't plan everything and life is not on their timetable or schedule. When you're a professional and you work for everything you have and achieve it, it's easy to think you can control everything. But that is very much not the case.

OK, what originally was supposed to be a post about NFP is now very long on history and short on NFP. I'll make this Part 1, and next time write about how much we're loving NFP.