What should I have said? If anything...
My kids had a playdate with some new friends today. We met through a local club and headed over to their house for the first time to play.The mom, who I just met in person today (we had been emailing to try and get together), is super nice and the kids are great, too. As I walked into the living room I spied two large iron crosses on the wall. Alright! I thought.
As we went through the kitchen I saw a few Blessed Mother magnets on the fridge, the kind you get via donation letters from various orders. Even better!
Later we were sitting in the kitchen and doorbell rings. The mom looks out the window and says, "It's the Jehovah's Witnesses." (They had just been in my neighborhood the following day, I just didn't answer the door.) But this mom went to the door and told them that while she respected their zeal for their faith, she was quite happy with her own, thank you.
When she came back in, I noted I know of a few people who have studied JW theology and have Catholic answers at the ready to show them where they're in error. I said to the mom, "You're Catholic, right?"
"Oh, I'm Catholic," she smiles. "I don't go to Mass, so that means I'm Catholic!"
The mom said that as a joke, and I smiled out of politeness and/or shock, but I was so sad inside. Not offended, but sad. I know the majority of Catholics don't go to Mass these days (80% is the figure I've heard mentioned by Fr. Corapi), but I'm sad to see my fellow Catholics buy into that "It's OK" mentality. "Everyone's doing it, so am I."
She went on to mention she hadn't been to Mass since her daughter was baptized (*sigh* again) and that it was too difficult with two children under 3. Given I have two children under 3, I can relate. Yes, it is hard, but at least go yourself, right?
The whole exchange bummed me out inside. I hate to see people of the Faith settle for less than they are - and for much less than the Faith offers. I pray this mom - and all who find themselves unmoved by the Spirit, receive the grace to catch a fire and want to go to Mass, for themselves and their children. Because if it weren't for the Spirit hitting me over the head nearly 3 years ago, that'd be me. Literally, there but for the grace of God, go I.
So in the end, I didn't say anything to this Mom on this topic, other than I know how hard it is to have two little ones at Mass. Do you think I should have encouraged her to start attending Mass or tried to get her excited about the faith? Remember, I just met this woman that day. I'd appreciate your thoughts.
posted by Melissa @ 3:29 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
Yikes! That is a tough one! Let me say for the record, that had it been me, I probably wouldn't have said anything at the time but would have thought of a million things I could have said later! As I was reading the post though, the thought came to mind of inviting her to come with you some time. Saying something like, at least we could help each other with the kids. Or, after you get to know her better, maybe you could offer to watch her kids while she goes alone. I don't know, those things sound lame now that I'm typing them. They sounded better in my head! Maybe better just to pray and ask the Holy Spirit to give you an opportunity to say something at a later date...and that you would have the right words to say. Your example will say a lot too. Good luck! Sorry for the rambling response.
Sorry for the long comment. This is one of my favorite "issues."
I believe we have some scripture on this point...something about them knowing who we are by our love for one another?!?
You like her? Become her friend. Let her see how meaningful Catholic practices are in your life and the life of your family.
Try not to judge her too harshly relative to what it means to be a "real" Catholic. This is something I've written about a lot and will continue to write about: For many people, Catholicism is as much a cultural identity as it is a religious practice.
And while I believe religious practice can enhance identity -- sometimes it doesn't for any number of reasons real and imagined. If you are nourished by and at your parish, maybe invite her to something at some point.
For now, keep her in prayer and enjoy the coffee klatches with your new sister in Christ.
Since you just met her, your example will be the best witness. Develop a relationship with her. Show her by your life why she should want to return to a fuller practice of her faith. Meredith said it well!
Enjoyed discovering your blog today...thank you for sharing!
Some things are caught rather than taught. I think this may be one of them.
The fact that your spirit was sad is direct evidence that the Holy Spirit was moving you at that moment. Follow that guidance and pray for her and her family.
I know I can be influenced by what the people I hang with are doing rather than what they say. :)
Just my 2 cents!
I'm with everyone whose been saying teach by example. As you continue to get to know her make sure it's apparent how important your faith is to you and your family. Maybe every so often try to share in a gentle way your love for the Blessed Mother or bring up the Divine Mercy.
Maybe this is the Holy Spirit's way to having you help Him reach this woman. I know that my "best" teachers as I was reconverting back to the faith was those women in my life who LIVED their faith and weren't afraid to show it. They taught me (and continue to teach me) through what they do and how they act.
My thoughts are pretty much in line with everyone else. I would have said nothing either if I were in your spot. I can never come up with the right words on the spot.
But if the topic comes up again you can relate to her as a mom. "I know how difficult it is to get the kids to sit through mass..."
Mention ways you help your kids behave. Offer for her family to attend with yours. Tell her about your parish. That the hour at mass is refreshing for your soul and helps you get through the week.
If you are being led by the Spirit to help her the topic will come up again. In the mean time there is always prayer.
I feel this way often too...sad...because I was there too, once.
In sales, they say you should use FEEL, FELT, FOUND to soften people.
"I know how you feel, lots of Catholics FEEL that way. There came a point when I FELT like I knew something was missing, a disconnect. I FOUND that in reading certain books and educating myself that there is always a beauty to the WHYS of the Catholic faith. I've FOUND I am much happier and more connected now to an onfire faith! "
Good luck and pray to the Holy SPirit.
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